All I can do is rant to myself, stay up and think of all of this bullshit. Someone who I once saw as a brother turned out to be a back stabber. A real blood related cousin who also turned out to do dirty shit behind my back and a girl who allowed it all to happen.
I don’t even know what to do nor say no more, there seems like nothing else I can do no more besides to trust nobody completely. What else is there to believe in now ? All hope is gone, all joy has faded and all memories are starting to appear as lies and just seem like it was all just a fantasy.
Being back stabbed and being so stupid to continue on and believing in people and trusting people that I should have never trusted in the first place all turned out to fuck me over. I don’t even know what I’m even saying no more really, it’s funny.
I’m so lost or I could just say confused. I just don’t know where I’m gonna go on from here. I don’t know what’s right and what’s wrong no more. I trusted the wrong people and I just let everything slip past me even though I was suspicious. I was suspicious for a reason but I never paid attention to it and it just fucked me over.
I just don’t see where I’m going with all of this writing. I don’t know where I’m going with all of my decisions and I don’t know what I’m gonna do from now on.
All I know is, I really fucked up bad. All I know is my decisions have led me to regret and what I know is, with the way I’m going, I’m gonna get no where.
I thought that maybe if I put my head to something and tried so hard with every little effort that I would be able to achieve anything but even though I’ve been pushed past my limits and tried with every little strength and endurance I had left, I still got no where. Whatever I have tried for, it just fucked me up.
I don’t see a future. I don’t feel the same, I’ve lost myself. I’m just so over over everything. I just feel like I’m so done with everything. I know all of this is stupid and wanting to end life or whatever is stupid but honestly, it’s just how I really feel now, I’ve just been pushed too far.
I just don’t know what to do no more ..
You know what ?
You want to continue two timing after all you have put me through and after you came running back crying to me and after I gave you a chance again ? After all the cheating you have done, I still gave you chances and continued to try for it to all work out and you know everything yourself but you continue to do the same stupid shit ? I ain’t gonna let you have it your way no more. Wanna continue lying and hiding shit ? It’s funny because it no longer hurts or either I’ve been hurt enough to the point where I’m so used to it. It’s all so expected from you. No more fucking chances. You’ve reached your deadline. From now on you either clear shit up with yourself and get your shit together and when the time comes and when you can be a bit more mature and stop with these slutty acts and you decide to come running back and show me that you wanna make it work and fucking work your arse off, I might have that slight chance of re-consideration but for now, you just fucked up again. You just lost someone who would’ve given up everything for you but I guess you chose to be stupid about it and continue to make the wrong decisions then I’ll let you be. You’ll realise one day how much I’ve done for you and you’ll regret every little single thing you’ve put me through. I’ve endured enough and it went way past beyond limits but I guess you won’t ever change; not anytime soon anyway. You risked everything and lost all my mates who tried to help you out but you continued to repeat your stupid acts and continued to hurt me so don’t ask why everyone hates you. You put everything upon yourself. I still must say, good luck with all your decisions.
I don’t even know why I even bothered.
- my brother: there's a special place in hell for you
- me: yeah the throne